By Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, PPR Certified Professional

Pickleball is an incredible sport, and while it elicits many positive feelings, it also has the potential to frustrate and test the patience, grit and determination in all of us. Whether we are playing in open play, a game among friends, or a tournament, we are constantly being pushed and tested and sometimes our composure is lost, thereby impacting our level of play and whether we win or lose. Sure, it is all about having fun, but we all love to compete and walk off the court having won the game. There are an incredible number of variables that touch our game from moment to moment and most of those variables are out of our control, so it is crucial to manage what we can control and let go of the things we can’t. So how do we keep our composure in those tough moments so that our minds stay strong and our game is fierce?

Composure is often talked about as if it is a personality trait. Some people are calm and some people are not. Some people can handle pressure and some people fall apart, but I don’t see it that way, I see composure as a choice. It is not always an easy choice, and it is not always a choice that feels natural in the moment, but it is still a choice.

 

That does not mean you choose whether or not you feel pressure. Pressure, nerves, frustration, and disappointment come. The choice is not whether you have an emotional response. The choice is whether that emotional response gets to decide who you become next and that distinction matters.

Too many players think composure means they should not feel any emotions. They think if they were mentally stronger, they would not be annoyed, nervous, embarrassed, or disappointed. That is not realistic. We are human and we are filled with emotions.

You can feel a ton of emotion and still choose how you move through it. You can be frustrated and still take your time. You can be nervous and still breathe. You can be disappointed and still stay present for the next point. That is composure. It is not the absence of emotion, but rather the ability to stay connected to yourself while strong emotions are present.

On the court, this becomes very practical. You lose a point you believe you should have won and you feel a reaction. Maybe it is irritation or embarrassment. Maybe it is a quick moment of panic because the score is tightening. The feeling arrives even without you inviting it, and that is normal. But then there is a space, a moment. Sometimes it is very small, almost invisible, but in that space, you have a choice. You can feed the feeling, or you can return to the point and moment in front of you. You can rush, or you can slow down. You can show your opponent that you are unraveling, or you can keep your presence steady. You can carry the last point, or you can let it end and move forward.

This is not about pretending. If you pretend to be calm but underneath you are spinning, it usually does not last. Real composure has more honesty in it. You are allowed to feel it all but still choose how to show up. You can lose it or stay grounded. That is much stronger than pretending not to care, because we do care. Athletes are bred to care about outcomes, but if we are married to that outcome and struggle to stay in the moment, performance may suffer.

I care about winning. I have always cared. I care about effort, intensity, grit, competition, standards, and doing things well. But caring and panicking are not the same thing. Wanting to win and losing yourself are not the same thing. You can want something deeply and still stay steady. I rarely panic on the court and while I will fight with every ounce of me to win the point, I march on and dig deep for the next one no matter the outcome of the last.

 

That is a powerful place to compete from because it keeps you engaged without making you desperate. It allows you to care without chasing, and it allows you to compete without becoming consumed by the score. Many players feel nerves at 0-0, but most panic at 0-10. The score changes, and they believe they must become different and be more aggressive, urgent, emotional, and forceful. But at 0-0 or 0-10, nothing about your composure needs to change. That does not mean the situation is the same, it just means you can be.

There is enormous strength in that. The player who does not change just because the score changes becomes difficult to read, to pressure, to break down emotionally. Not because they are robotic, but because they have decided who they are going to be before the score tells them who to become. That is the choice point after point, match after match. You choose composure when the moment challenges you, when you feel misunderstood, or when you are ahead and tempted to relax. You choose it when you are behind and tempted to rush. And every time you choose it, you strengthen it. Composure becomes less like a mood or reaction and more like a standard way of being. A place you can return to even when the match is messy and the moment is uncomfortable. That is the mental edge.

Some need a word, mantra or song to sing to themselves to stay steady, present and grounded in the moment. Think of Rafa Nadal when he was on the tennis court. He would line up his water bottles after a water break, adjust his shorts, tuck the hair behind each ear, and touch his nose as he was preparing to serve. This encouraged a lot of others to have a good laugh at his routine or call him obsessive. But funny or not, this was his calming routine. It was his cue to settle. The routine kept him steady and present in the moment and helped calm any nerves and win a lot of matches. There is no one size that fits all. Find what works for you and use it out on the pickleball court. Sing uplifting lyrics, hum, breathe, or touch your paddle on the back fence before returning serve. Find something that can ground you and help you keep your composure when things feel tough, because they will, no matter what level you play or what kind of game you are in. In those tough moments, the urge can be to fix something technical or strategic, but I believe finding that composure and fire in your belly is more important than changing anything technical or strategic. Without composure, it will be hard to stay in the game, have fun and win. Keep in mind that you are the same wonderful person whether you reach 11 first or your opponent does. Get out there and compete with all your might, stay present in the moment and let the fun of this crazy sport carry you through your game. And remember, don’t let your mind leave your body behind.

Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, is a PPR Certified Professional who brings a truly unique combination of expertise to the court, blending the insight of a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, with the skill of an experienced Pickleball coach. For more than three decades, Jennifer has helped individuals and athletes build confidence, manage pressure, and perform at their best. She combines an understanding of the mental game with exceptional strategic insight, helping players sharpen their technique, improve decision-making, and develop the composure needed to compete with confidence. You can find her coaching and sharing mindset strategies at The Palms Indoor Pickleball and on Instagram @TheMentalEdgePickleball. Stay tuned for her upcoming eBook, The Mental Edge: Understanding Yourself Under Pressure.

*Excerpts from the book in this article.